Another Catch Up

Ok. Thank you to my friends that have encouraged me to start this up again- Elizabeth and Sarah. It's already 10:15 and I don't want to be up too late tonight since I'm getting up in the morning to work out with my roommate, but if I'm going to get back into this, I might as well start now. So I'm going to (once again) do a quick life update. (That seems to be a trend here, huh? Several months off, one long update, a few regular posts, then I'm gone again. Oh well.) Maybe if I keep each update short it will motivate me to come back and elaborate (that word is sounding really funny to me right now, but I think it's right. lol) on them later. E helped me tonight to realize I'm a perfectionist blogger. Unless I know I have time to sit down and write out everything I want to write, I don't. And then my time away gets longer, and I have more to write about, and since we all know each post ends up about 2 1/2 times longer than I meant it in the first place, this quickly becomes an exponential problem. So I'm going to try to break that habit. We'll see. If you'll leave a quick comment and say hi when you stop by so I know my posts aren't just floating around the net unread and uncared about, it might help :) Just sayin'...

Ok, so, let's see.

First off, yes, you read right. I now have a roommate. 2, in fact. Moved into a new place with 2 girls from my small group in October and have been here since. No, I'm still not fully unpacked. It's more space overall, but I have to share it with 2 other girls who also have full kitchens and lots of bathroom stuff, etc, so my room is still a disaster.

Sad news: Gus passed away :( I still cry about it if I think about it for too long, so I'm not going to write much here. But I'll just say he had a good last day- spent in front of the fire at John's and he was buried with love behind John's shed. We've picked out a stone and are going to paint it to mark the place. This year's Christmas ornament was in honor of him.

I'm still continuing to consider/pursue photography. My wonderful parents got me a DSLR for Christmas and I've already taken one 1-day class for it. I took a (point and shoot) photography class through Chimpsy with Mom this past weekend, and I've signed up for an SLR class through the same company. And I'll be signing up for my first 6 week class through Showcase soon.  I'm still trying to figure out the logistics of time/money/which school, etc. I had a very good, looooong talk with mom over lunch after our class this weekend and talked about that, among other important things, and I was very happy to hear that, should I decide to just go for it, rather than saving up or trying to go part time, she understands and perhaps even agrees. As smart as being careful and financially responsible is most of the time, and as much as one of the "signs" that something might not be a calling from God includes anything that puts you in a financially difficult position, sometimes all you can do is jump. And I'm starting to think more and more that's what it's going to come to here. We'll see....

John was up in Nashville last weekend recording on Corey Crowder's first Sony album. That's right, my boyfriend was deemed good enough by Sony for them to use him instead of using their own studio drummer to do the actual recording for the album. I'm so proud of him and excited about what possible doors this could open for him. He's already mentioned in passing being open to the idea of moving to Nashville. I'll have to talk to him more about this at a later date sometime. Hmm..... :) In the meantime, rest assured that I will DEFINITELY keeping everyone updated on any shows or release dates for the album!!!!

Still working towards a closer relationship with God. In baby steps. I think I'm a perfectionist Christian too, sad as that sounds. If I can't get in my God time how I think I should every day, I just stop. I need to get better about this. I need to get better about making this the top priority on my "get better at these things" list.

Hoping to spend some more regular time with my sister, Sunny. She's 12, almost 13, and I think she could use a sister that shows an interest in her life at times besides when she's needed for babysitting, and who acts more like a sister than a surrogate parent.

A close friend of mine moved back into town from Miami, and I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited about this!!!!! (Despite the fact that I haven't seen her in the week and a half since she moved back to town except for her first night. Must get better about that too.)

John and I are heading back to the yurts at Fort Yargo for Valentine's weekend. I might possibly rent a macro lens for the weekend, as that's my major area of interest in photography. Hopefully I'll have some cool pics to post next week.

I'm thinking, I'm thinking.... I think those are the biggest areas in my life that need updating. I guess technically, as it's been more than a year since I started this blog (despite the TOTAL lack of a full year's worth of posts) I should change the name of it. But I'm not going to. Now, anyways. Maybe later. Any suggestions on what it should be?

Coincidence? Or Godly Evidence?

Watching: Father of the Bride
Fave Quote: "Well, that's the thing about life, is uh, the surprises--the little things that sneak up on you and grab hold of you."

OMG! I am sooooo excited about the study my small group is starting (well, started?) this week. We met yesterday and got the material and kind of did a run down of what to expect. We're doing a study called BASIC. I haven't done it yet, obviously, but from what I've read and been told so far, it's basically about learning what you have in your heart that's blocking you from being able to accept Christ's love fully and shine it back on the world, and then getting rid of whatever it is you identify. Sounds kind of weird when I put it like that, but example: this study was (is?) used at my church as training for people that go into Care Ministry, which again is not something I've participated in but from what I understand is kind of a peer-to-peer type counseling that North Point Ministries offers. It's a service area that you can volunteer in. And the point of the training is to open yourself up to God's comfort so that you can then fully understand what it means to be comforted and only then be able to effectively comfort others.

So let me back up a moment. You may have read recently in a few of my entries that I've been dealing lately with some potential life change and it's got me all confused in the head. Long story short, I was going to go back to school for my Ph.D in Industrial and Organizational Psychology (a mouth full, isn't it?) And less than 2 months ago I all of a sudden started questioning whether that was what I should/wanted to do. I started considering other things that I might want to do with my life instead and what would make me happiest. The first 2 ideas that popped into my head were marine biology and photography. The first, while definitely something I've expressed a mild interest in since I was younger, would require starting ALL OVER with school. Like, go back, take more science, get a new bachelors. I already have 2 of those. I really didn't feel drawn in that direction enough to validate going back and getting a 3rd.

But photography, now that really caught my attention. I took an intro course when I was still in college, thoroughly enjoyed it and only decided not to switch from a general Studio Art major to a more focused Photography major because I would have had to stay in school a few more semesters and I was already getting burnt out on school. Since then I have gotten my own digital camera (not saying much, as it's just a point-and-shoot, and I was the last person I know on this planet to get one) but I carry it with me everywhere I go. My boyfriend has a digital SLR and I love taking shots with that whenever I get a chance. I still have a lot to learn, but when I think about enrolling in a program and trying to make a living with photography (which I've heard enough times will be difficult. I know it takes skill and talent and hard work and luck) maybe with National Geographic (again- I know what the chances are here. I'm just talking about dream jobs here. Why not, right?) or in some industry that I haven't even been opened up to yet, I get really excited. I start thinking about all these wonderful, creative possibilities, and the idea has just stuck.

So anyways, I've begun considering it. Ph.D plans are on hold at least, until I figure out what I really want to do. The biggest challenge that going back to school for photography has thrown in my plans is financial. The majority of psychology programs I was looking at had assistantships that pretty much covered tuition. I just had to worry about living costs. Either with loans or by trying to find student housing on campus. No such situation with photography school. All of a sudden the possible student loans I'm taking out are looking like a looooot more. Granted, this is the one type of debt that I've always kind of considered ok. But still... being debt free until now, looking at $40k give or take in 2 years is kind of a daunting thought. So what do I do? Do I give in and take out the loans? Do I go part time? Overall not as cost effective per credit hour but perhaps more affordable on a quarter-to-quarter basis. Do I put it off for a few years and try to live as frugally as possible until then to see how much I can save up? To be honest, as smart as that last idea sounds, I'm so fed up with where I am now, and so ready to make a change that it is the least attractive idea currently. Now that I've identified a new path, I'm ready to get started!!!!

But I've never been one to jump into big decisions either. So I'm sitting on it. There's a program in town that offers 6 week digital courses. I can take a few of those over the next few months. Make sure that this is really what I want to do before committing to such expensive schooling- full time or not. If I find a way to stick out my current job- or at least a position within my current company through Spring of 2012 that'll be 5 years and I'll be fully vested in the pension plan they offer.

Ug. See what I mean? I can't decide. I'm torn. My responsible upbringing is fighting with my impatient desire to get on with my life. My parents give me good advice but then say that I'm not going to disappoint them with anything I do. But I worry that maybe I will. That even if they don't voice it they'll be worried about the amount of loans I'll be taking out if I enroll too soon. But is it all worth it if you end up with a job that you love?

Ok- ENOUGH!!! You get the point!!!!! That all took muuuuuuuch longer than I meant for it too. I simply meant to point out that I'm dealing with some decisions right now that are starting to make it hard to live my life on a day-to-day basis. So... I've started praying about it. I know I shouldn't wait until things get this stressful before I start praying, but I'm working on it. Lately I've been doing A LOT of praying about this.

Which brings me back to the point of this blog. (Well, the initial point, anyways.) We had a few visitors to our small group last night- the author of the BASIC material and a couple girls who have gone through, and lead, the material several times. After going through a rundown of the material, we went around and told our stories again so that we could all get introduced before starting an 8 week study together. And I kind of had an epiphany while telling my story. It was the same story I had told over a year ago to the other girls in my small group. One of on and off again church attendance, knowledge of God's love for me, and a desire to grow closer to God that I was more devoted to at some times than at others, but lacking any big-bang moment. The only new thing was what has happened over the past few months. While I was sitting there thinking about how to sum up my story, I started realizing that there have been several "coincidences" lately in my life. Now, I'm not one of those "I don't believe in coincidences" type people. Sometimes things just line up funny, and I really do believe that. But lately, things have just been connecting in more unusual ways than normal. And I can't help but wonder if someone's trying to get my attention.

First of all, the very day I started considering photography as a new possibility (I'm not lying- the VERY same day) I heard an add on the radio for an art school here in town that was having an open house that coming weekend. Secondly, that 4 week leadership program that I went to at church? Well, at the end of it they gave us the opportunity to sign up to volunteer in various areas within the church. I did not sign up for anything right then. I checked the box that said let me think about it and call me in a couple months. The area that did strike my interest though, was Care Ministries. But I didn't sign up because I didn't feel like I was ready, prepared for that kind of role. So imagine my surprise when I was reading the intro for this material and found out it was what they used to train people for that role! And lastly, if you read my last post where I was freaking out about life decisions, you would have run across a line where I was wondering if love should be my top priority in life. Well, as I was reading the intro material for this study, all of a sudden I came to a statement:

"Are you beginning to see how love is the key to life, the passion of the Father's heart, and the reason Jesus died for our sins? Now read I Corinthians 13:1-13 slowly, deliberately and ask God to help you see that love is not one of the most important things. It is the most important thing. (Ephesians 3:16-21)"

I'll let you look both those parts up for yourselves, but there was once verse that stopped me dead in my tracks:

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Ephesians 3:17-19

I was just throwing out those questions last week as a rant. I wasn't asking anyone in particular. But God answered anyways. Right there on the page in front of me, in black and white. I was sitting there in my office during lunch and I started crying when I realized what I was reading. An answer to a prayer I didn't even know I was praying. But I still didn't get it. 

It was last night when I started telling my story, and I heard myself putting all the pieces together, that I finally started to get it. I don't have any big-bang part in my story yet, but I will. I have this undeniable feeling that God has something big planned for me. I don't know what it is, and I don't know when it's coming. But all of a sudden I just know. It's like He's been right there this whole time, reminding me from time to time that He's there, that I'm His, drawing me back to Him when I started straying too far.  Keeping me close for when my time got near. Preparing me. And I can just sense that this is one more step. The ladies that have gone through this study before both had amazing things to say about it, about what it opens us up to and teaches us about ourselves and about God and about the relationships He desires with us and for us with those around us. And I am so eager to find out what it is He wants to show me through this study!

I still have questions about what I'm supposed to do with my life (obviously!!!) and I don't know how all these little things are meant to line up together. But I know they connect somehow. And I know He'll continue to show me the way as I need to see it.

I have always been one who, despite following my heart in plenty of areas, really does enjoy seeing hard evidence when faced with decisions. I have lamented several times over the lack of biblical miracles in my life. How much easier would it be to know what God wants for us if He would just show up in another burning bush, or as a booming voice from the sky one day?!!! But I've resigned myself to just praying for discernment. A few months ago though, I had a dream. I know- whatever I'm about to say is going to sound crazy when introduced that way, but it's true. I woke up early one morning a little before my alarm was supposed to go off, and I had woken from a dream. I wont' go into the details, cuz dreams always sounds crazier than they seemed when you try to describe them after you've woken up. But suffice it to say that I had an encounter with the Lord in my dream. Like, I was running around with Jesus. (See- told you it sounded crazy.) But as I woke up, there was a weight pressing down upon me. Not a physical weight, but the kind of weight that you feel when you come to an important decision, or when you're thinking about something really big. But it wasn't my own thoughts pressing upon me. It was just this impression being pressed upon me. And I heard words spoken to me. Not aloud, but still very clearly I understood them. You sometimes hear people say that they were given a message, and you wonder what they mean. Did they get a general feeling that they then interpreted into a sentence used to describe what it was they were experiencing? And I know what they mean now when they say that's not the case, that they somehow sensed a very specific message. And the message being impressed upon me was "Yes, that was Me. And you're ok." It seems like a simple, almost pointless message. But again, it brought me to tears. I lay there in bed for several moments under this impression that was just being laid upon me. And I knew that God had just spoken to me. Not to charge me as He did Noah or Moses or any other famous biblical character. But just to let me know He was there. That He had been with me in my dream, and that He was always with me. And even when the weight of His message has passed, I was overcome with a sense of calm that I've never experienced before.

I'm not sure what the point of sharing that with you was, other than to just again explain this sense I've had lately of being drawn closer to Him, of His gentle reminders that He'll be there to guide me when I need it (and even when I think I don't!!)

I know this was a super long post! And waaaay more religious or spiritual than I normally get. So if this is your first time stopping by, just know not all my entries are this heavy!! And I hope I haven't just turned you off to coming by again!

But I really am excited to see what the next 8 weeks holds for me. And I expect I'll clue you in from time to time.

And I hope that you find evidence of God's presence in your life too!

Another attempt

So here I am again. Umm..... about 3 months after my last blog? Anyways, this will consist of whatever brief update I have time for in the 10 minutes before dinner is ready. Prepare for a random list, but hopefully I'll expand on several items in later posts.

~I finished P90X- kind of wimped out at the end, but then I did a month-long boot camp: an hour workout at 5:45am 5 days a week. It kicked my butt in a good way. I'm currently on an exercise hiatus, lol. Hoping to start running either during lunch (I found a shower at work I can use) or after work sometime soon.

~John and I got all dressed up and went to the fabulous Fox theater to see the Phantom of the Opera's farewell tour. One of my favorites!!! It was wonderful. I cried at the end like always!


~I've signed the non-renewal form at my current apartment complex and am looking forward to moving into a new place- I've figured out the complex, I just have to decide on the unit, but I think after today I'm much closer to a decision.

~I have actually baked ONE item since going on and on about how excited I was to get into that! It wasn't anything out of any of my new cookbooks, however. It was a German Chocolate Cake for John's birthday :) We celebrated with his family one weekend during a family reunion at Brosnan Forest in SC, and then the next weekend he and I celebrated with a trip to the Stone Mountain Laser show, a behinds the scene tour at the Ga Aquarium, lunch at the Sundial restaurant down town, and then with a surprise party at my place! I think it all went over very well :)



Mom- I still owe you a banana cake. Don't worry- you'll get it soon!

~I have also started a couple paintings. There's not much there yet, but there are 2 fewer blank canvases sitting in my apartment at this moment, so that's a start!

~I recently co-founded a book club with some of my friends. Our first meeting is scheduled for middle of next month. For our first meeting we'll be reading The Wildwater Walking Club. I've also started reading a book my friend lent me, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. So far I'm loving it!

~I'm currently trying to figure out whether I want to continue down the path I had laid out for myself school/career wise, or if I want to try a different yellow-brick-road. I'm leaning toward the latter, I just have to figure out the details. Definitely more on that to come later.

~John's family unfortunately saw each other again not too long after that same family reunion mentioned above. His grandfather passed away unexpectedly and I went with him and his siblings down to the funeral in Savannah. The ceremony was a beautiful celebration of Ryan Garner's life. I'm sad I didn't get a chance to know him better or play that game of one-on-one Scrabble, but I can testify that he was a man that believed in hard work and loved his wife and his family and the Lord above all else. He will be missed but remembered fondly for a very long time.

~I'm still enjoying my church small group. I also recently attended a 4 week leadership program through the church. We heard different speakers on what it means to be a spiritual leader, got to find out what kind of leader we are and were given the opportunity to sign up for various leadership roles within the volunteer community at the church. I haven't signed up for anything yet, but I'm doing a little soul searching and am looking forward to picking a role. I have been to church the last 3 weeks in a row- very proud of myself for that. Missed today as I was home with family all weekend, but perhaps I can watch today's message online and get back on track next week.

~My brother left today for a year long placement teaching English in South Korea to elementary- to middle-school aged children. My fam saw him off at the airport and I cried. I'll miss him a ton, but I'm so proud of him for doing this. He's really an inspiration to me sometimes. As you might expect, I spent this whole weekend with my family hanging out and saying goodbye to my brother. We were unsure when he was leaving at first, so we spent last weekend having a goodbye party for him and spending a day/night at Calloway Gardens. When we found out his flight was today, we got to spend another weekend together. The siblings (plus John) headed to the Andretti Karting facility in Alpharetta for a day of fun, followed by Davey's last Mexican meal for quite a while.

This morning he got his last Waffle House breakfast before we saw him off.



And for now, I'm going to finish watching Inkheart with my dad and sister before heading back to my place for the night. Hopefully you'll hear more from me before 3 months next time :)

PS- Davey, wherever you are over the Pacific right now, I hope you're loving it!!!

Weekend in Review: Tennessee

What a wonderful weekend! It was a time to be proud of my loved ones and realize just how happy and lucky I am to have them all in my life.

My brother graduated on Saturday from undergrad with a degree in Mass Communications from MTSU. He is currently working towards spending a year in South Korea teaching English as a second language. And I believe the plan is still to apply to law schools after that. We didn't have the best relationship growing up, but as we've both matured, we've grown closer. He has grown into such an amazing guy. Smart and caring, and the funniest guy I know. I am so proud of him, and so happy that I can call him a friend as well at this point in my life.

My boyfriend, as reported earlier, made the snare line with the Atlanta Falcons Drumline for the 2010 season, something that he has been working so hard at for the past few weeks. I couldn't be prouder of him. (Though, to be honest, I had absolutely no doubt in my mind he could make it. Without sounding like I have a bias as his girlfriend, he truly does have this will power and determination that just allows him to achieve pretty much anything he puts his mind to.) I am so happy to see him achieving something that I know he will truly enjoy.

And the rest of my family- I am just so lucky to have them. To have a family that has the ability to send their children to school, to visit them and celebrate their accomplishments with them. Not everyone has that, and I am just so happy that I do. I can't imagine how proud my parents were of my brother to see him walk across that stage. Even though I am proud of him, he's not my son, and I know it means much more to them than it ever could for me. It makes me wonder about when I have kids of my own and all the things they will go on to accomplish. I just can't imagine what it must feel like to see someone you brought into this world going out and making something of them self.

The ceremony itself was long and pretty much like every other graduation ceremony people go to. It wasn't a HUGE graduating crowd, because they had multiple ceremonies that day, so everyone got to walk. I did think the president plugged the school a little more than necessary. I understand the need to talk about the school to some degree, but he talked about the school more than he did the actual graduates really. Oh well. The speaker wasn't bad, and I did make a note of at least one quote he used in his speech- "All that lies behind you and all that lies before you is inconsequential to what lies within you." (A rewording of a Ralph Waldo Emerson quote, I believe.)

After the 3 hour ceremony, we grabbed a bite at a burrito place, Blue Coast, ran back to the hotel to change and then headed out to Nashville for the evening. Davey took us and his girlfriend, Claire, by the place he worked on Music Square. We walked around a bit, took pictures and contributed to the Geocache that was located under the back stairs leading up to his office. Very cool! Then after that we headed off to The Cheesecake Factory for dinner, dessert and celebratory drinks. I think we ended up leaving with about 10 to-go boxes between everyone!

Sunday morning we got to sleep in (past when they stopped serving free breakfast down in the hotel lobby) which was nice, since we were all EXHAUSTED by the time we fell into bed Saturday night. Davey and Dad ran off to get food for a picnic lunch while Mom, Sunny and I packed up and got ready for the day. Davey picked out this absolutely perfect place to spend Mother's Day. When they got back with the food we drove out to Arington Vineyards for a wine tasting and a picnic! The drive out there was gorgeous (though I didn't get to appreciate it on the way out due to a combination of cramps and the medicine I took that did more harm than good.) But the vineyard itself was just gorgeous! The pictures on the website don't even BEGIN to capture how beautiful this place is. The weather on Sunday definitely didn't hurt. The sky was blue, the grass was green, and the lawns were filled will families just out having a good time. There were dads and sons throwing balls, kids chasing each other, mothers pushing strollers. Not a single screaming child. They had live music and carts that could drive you up if you had to park down at the bottom of the hill (by the time we left the place was packed and people were just parking on the side of the road.) It really was kind of ridiculously idyllic. Whoever does the marketing for Tennessee's tourist industry really needs to get out there and get some footage. I was ready to move up there by the time the day was through.

The wine tasting went well. Mom and Dad have a more mature palate for wine, but we managed to agree on a few and ended up selecting a bottle of the Gewurztraminer to have with lunch. They purchased several more bottles to take home, and both Davey and I got a bottle of the Raspberry dessert wine to take home with us. Then we headed up to the top of a hill overlooking the vineyard and the surrounding area to have our picnic. We exchanged Mother's Day and graduation cards and gifts and had some awesome McAlister's for lunch.

After strolling around a bit and taking in the day, it was time to hit the road. We dropped Davey back off and were on the road by 5, home by a little after 9. I grabbed my bags and Gus and we were back home at my little apartment and in bed by about 10:30! Talk about a busy weekend!